I spent over an hour at the grocery store today stocking up on food that will create meals for us for the next 2 weeks. Afterwards we came home & watched a movie (Bulletproof) a kinda dramatic comedy with Daman Wayans & Adam Sandler - it was pretty good except about halfway through it I noticed my daughter biting at her hands again & when I told her to stop she flipped out. She began yelling at me & I yelled back & although no it has been like 3 hours since it happened - I still feel tension in the air. I wish she understood how much I care for her & that what she is doing is harming her, not helping her.

Another movie began (Billy Madison) and I felt like laying my head down and going to sleep for awhile so I did just that. While I was sleeping, I dreamt of someone - a friend of sorts - only in the dream we were more like a couple or at least the beginnings of one - light brushes of the hair, hands touching, eyes holding long stares at each other. It was nice but yet I somehow knew it was a dream - I woke up thinking to myself...why do I have dreams about him? I know we will always be friends just as I know we will always be "only" friends. It's hard cause in a way I do care for him very deeply but I he is with someone else & doesn't see me that way anymore or perhaps never did.

My life is always filled with tears....

I ran into a couple of "my girls" Shavonne & LaShawnda from VQ today while I was at the store. They both looked great but I felt then how much I have missed them. I really did love those girls like they were my own daughters and when I left my job, I had to leave them too. That was very hard. They said that all of the girls that remained there were doing pretty good but that they missed me terribly. I told them I missed them too & gave them both hugs and sent them on their way. I didnt' want them to see me tear up.

Life is like driving a racecar....sometimes it's a joyride but sometimes you just hit the wall hard.

TTFN

BM